Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's get the cat blown out
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
