it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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