I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
