I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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