Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
