Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
