guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
