Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
