went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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