at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
