need another drink. this is the easiest way
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
