Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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