Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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