She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
