You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
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Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
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I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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