Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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