we have pet lesbian snakes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize