Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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