3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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