There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
