ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
