ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
