Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
