I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
