I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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