My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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