Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm determined to sit on that face.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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