i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
