you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
