My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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