Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
