Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
