WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wanna go halves on a baby?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
