Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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