Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
