Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
