Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
