Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We need to get me chipped asap
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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