Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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