I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
