Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
