omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
