I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
