i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
