I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
