i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
