shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
