For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
