Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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