Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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