Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The power of my boobs compel you
Everclear isn't food dammit
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
