Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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