Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
