I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
