Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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