Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Randomize
