I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
oh god was she eating orange peels again
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
