im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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