I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
