I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
