Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm always down for nudity.
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