just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
