Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
