We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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