tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
