the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
