I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think my vagina is haunted
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
