it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize